Dedicated

Friday, August 31, 2012

Source

Following my million and one squats on Wednesday, my upper legs and rear have been in killer pain. Standing up and walking around hurts, but nothing hurts worse than the act of sitting back down. Supporting my body as I lower myself down is just torture. My legs feel like a constant Charley Horse times a billion. 

Thursday is one of my Aqua class nights. Strength & Balance followed by Zumba. A total of two hours of exercise in the pool. So here I was already hurting. Then my gym buddy's son got sick and she had to cancel. I was running behind on everything all day long. I just didn't want to go. Robert said we could stay home or go late or skip the actual classes. But I was determined to go, despite all the excuses pulsing through my head. Then trying to get into the stupid car I was on the edge of tears because of the pain in my legs and rear. He's calling from inside the car "Are you sure you want to do this?" 

My answer was a firm, "YES!" 

On the way there Robert asked me when was the last time I even took a day off from the gym. "Sunday, not that long ago." He shot me this look. 

See, normally, I'd be shocked if I went two days in a row. Sometimes I don't go for months at a time. Even when I'm on what I considered a roll, I still only make it a couple times a week and then that roll only lasts a couple weeks. 

Now, when we arrive at the Kid's Club (at either of the locations I go to) they greet Meghan by name. She used to cry the whole time she was there and I was never able to leave her more than 30 minutes. Last night, after two hours, she didn't want to leave! 

At the Women's center, the girls at the front desk, the girls that work the line, people on the sales team and even some of the people there working out all greet me by name. At the main center, the class instructors know my name. I ran into one of the instructors somewhere else and she recognized me.

I can't tell you how good that feels. People at the gym are noticing my effort and that is so encouraging. 

Already the classes are becoming a little easier. I'm seeing changes in my body and mentality each day. No one is more excited or proud than I am.

I hurt like crap right now but I'm not going to let it stop me. Because no matter when I start, it's going to hurt for a while. Why quit now and have to go through this beginning pain all over again later? I hated those squats, but as soon as I'm able to bend my legs without screaming I'll be doing it again. I never want to feel this level of pain again. I want my body to adapt and learn to handle it. I'm not going to let pain hold me back anymore. Being overweight causes me pain. Heck, everything causes me pain. Why not have it be something good that's causing that pain for once?

I am fully dedicated to myself this time for good. I'm not going to give up on me.