Friday, August 31, 2012


Following my million and one squats on Wednesday, my upper legs and rear have been in killer pain. Standing up and walking around hurts, but nothing hurts worse than the act of sitting back down. Supporting my body as I lower myself down is just torture. My legs feel like a constant Charley Horse times a billion. 

Thursday is one of my Aqua class nights. Strength & Balance followed by Zumba. A total of two hours of exercise in the pool. So here I was already hurting. Then my gym buddy's son got sick and she had to cancel. I was running behind on everything all day long. I just didn't want to go. Robert said we could stay home or go late or skip the actual classes. But I was determined to go, despite all the excuses pulsing through my head. Then trying to get into the stupid car I was on the edge of tears because of the pain in my legs and rear. He's calling from inside the car "Are you sure you want to do this?" 

My answer was a firm, "YES!" 

On the way there Robert asked me when was the last time I even took a day off from the gym. "Sunday, not that long ago." He shot me this look. 

See, normally, I'd be shocked if I went two days in a row. Sometimes I don't go for months at a time. Even when I'm on what I considered a roll, I still only make it a couple times a week and then that roll only lasts a couple weeks. 

Now, when we arrive at the Kid's Club (at either of the locations I go to) they greet Meghan by name. She used to cry the whole time she was there and I was never able to leave her more than 30 minutes. Last night, after two hours, she didn't want to leave! 

At the Women's center, the girls at the front desk, the girls that work the line, people on the sales team and even some of the people there working out all greet me by name. At the main center, the class instructors know my name. I ran into one of the instructors somewhere else and she recognized me.

I can't tell you how good that feels. People at the gym are noticing my effort and that is so encouraging. 

Already the classes are becoming a little easier. I'm seeing changes in my body and mentality each day. No one is more excited or proud than I am.

I hurt like crap right now but I'm not going to let it stop me. Because no matter when I start, it's going to hurt for a while. Why quit now and have to go through this beginning pain all over again later? I hated those squats, but as soon as I'm able to bend my legs without screaming I'll be doing it again. I never want to feel this level of pain again. I want my body to adapt and learn to handle it. I'm not going to let pain hold me back anymore. Being overweight causes me pain. Heck, everything causes me pain. Why not have it be something good that's causing that pain for once?

I am fully dedicated to myself this time for good. I'm not going to give up on me.

Holy Crap! I've got the SQUATS!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Post Workout - O M G I'm gonna die or puke or die or something.
What is that stuff on my face? Oh, that's sweat. Ok, well cool. I want to lay down now or maybe puke. Anyone have some water?

So today was my much dreaded anticipated Personal Torture Training Session. I got this for free because I'm awesome and completed my Face2Face program...even if it did take me three weeks longer. Dumb kidneys. A friend of mine did her training session a few weeks ago and after hearing her recounting of it I was pretty terrified excited!

My trainer, Amanda, was this fit blonde girl who thank god was not overly perky or rah rah let's DO THIS thing. I would have tae boed her in the face. Luckily, we seemed to mesh well and she listened to my concerns and took my limitations into account.

After some warm up exercises that just felt like exercise to me...we started the real stuff. She had me doing a circuit type workout with weights, squats, a series of silly walks, rowing, and stepping.

This all felt suspiciously like a beginners version of Cross Fit.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that hard...I mean THAT would kill me for sure. However, they hand this chick a freaking bucket at the beginning! A bucket. You know, to puke in. Because by golly you're probably going to puke.

I did the routine without complaint. Squat. Step. Row. Squat. Step. Row. Squat. Step. OMG. Row. Squat. Squat. Freaking Squat. My face hurt. My heart was pounding. I'm pouring sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat from. Then I started getting this feeling like maybe I need the bucket. At first it was just a fear but then my body was telling me I needed to either STOP, puke or faint. Luckily, by the time my body decided it was about to choose for itself...we were done and it was time to stretch it out.

Afterward, I took a ten minute cold shower and chugged some water. I tried to get in the hot tub but it was too hot and made me want to puke even more. In fact, it was about 40 minutes before I didn't feel like puking anymore. And then I was HUNGRY! I had a sub with turkey, avocado, cucumbers, sprouts, and a bunch of other yummy veggies.

And now, I'm going to crawl upstairs to grab a quick nap before book club tonight. My legs are already screaming at me for doing so many squats.

But I DID IT! I survived! Woohoo!!!

Weigh In Woes

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I think I may be leading a bad example for my toddler! 

Shut Down the Comparisons

Monday, August 27, 2012

Source: ARThlete
Ever feel like this? I know I do.

I've spent the last couple of days looking for weight loss bloggers with similar goals to my own. Some of them have just started their journey (like me), some are half way there, and some have already reached their goals. I find it hard not to compare myself to these other women. Especially when they are more fit than I am currently.

I can't run, jog, jump, do planks, I can barely do a squat...I allow all of the can'ts to pile up in my brain and I just want to quit. How can I lose this weight if I can't even do a plank? Not even ONE plank. I can't lift my body from the floor. It's so daunting, I just want to give up before I've even started.

But you know what?

I can walk. I can swim. I can bike. I can lift. Everyone starts somewhere. I will not let me inabilities distract me from my abilities.

One step at a time. One ounce at a time. I CAN do this.

Working Out with Fibromyalia

Friday, August 24, 2012

My friend, SS, is not the only one working out with me at the gym each day. I've got my long time friend Fibromyalgia along for the ride too and her companion pain medication.

I've always had psychological issues with taking my prescribed pain medication. My father was a long time drug (prescribed and illegal) abuser. He would lie and exaggerate pain for more drugs, constantly pushing the limits on how much he could take. Because of this, I've always had strict limits on my own drug and alcohol usage. I live in constant fear of having a substance abuse problem as he did. As a result, I often ignore or fight through my pain making it difficult to live up to my potential. I'd work hard in the gym one day and when my body screamed that night I would skip the next week out of fear of making it worse. This constant battle of pain from doing what my body needs and not wanting to take my prescribed medications as held me back immensely. I also convinced myself that being on a medication that other people abuse makes me a bad parent. See? All these rules. I can't take meds if I'm home alone with Meghan. I can't take meds if Robert takes something (even cold meds). It's good to be paranoid, but sometimes I go a little too far with it.

I guess it finally clicked in my brain that I needed to start accepting the help prescribed to me if it meant doing what I need to do. So now if I go to two aqua classes back to back and come home walking funny in pain, I'll take a pain pill. I still feel guilty, but I just need to work through it. I realize that with time the workouts will become less painful as I become stronger. Each workout puts me closer to my goal of being healthy and without so much pain. I know that loosing weight and gaining muscle will lower the amount of pain I deal with from day to day.

Sure, pain can be a warning sign. I know I need to not over do it. I'm listening to my body. For example, when I awoke in pain today, I decided to do cardio instead of an intense weight lifting class. Tonight I will go swimming for therapeutic proposes and loosen this tight muscles. Tomorrow I'll be attending a stretch class and if I will well enough after I'll do some weight lifting afterward. It's important that when I feel pain I shouldn't stop. I just need to modify and keep going. Any exercise is better than no exercise. Each and every day I will continue to exercise regardless of how I feel.

I will tell you that having a good friend along side me helps! It keeps me accountable and makes the time go by a little faster. Now it's not just going to the gym, it's visiting and socializing. Let's just hope she doesn't get tired of my awesomeness!


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Yesterday was my final weigh in for the Face2Face program. While I wish I could have done the full amount of exercise they suggested (Kidneys Suck), I am still happy to see the results that I have.

Weight: -12 pounds
Waist: -7.5 inches
Hips: -11 inches
Right Thigh: -1.5 inches
Left Thigh: -1 inch
Right Arm: -1.5 inches
Left Arm: -2.5 inches
Total Inches Lost: 25

TWENTY FIVE INCHES! I'm totally proud of that! Pretty good for having a major illness in the middle of it and being unable to exercise. I'm excited now to do this. Results are very motivating!

As a prize for being compliant (or in my case trying to be compliant!) I get one free personal training session next week. I'm a little nervous about that appointment, but I'm going to do it anyway. My trainer has agreed to keep measuring me every four weeks to help me chart my progress.

I cannot wait to share more progress with you guys! Big changes are coming, stay tuned!

Kidneys Suck

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Just a few short hours after my last post, I woke up in severe pain and was rushed to the hospital. I was diagnosed with a severe kidney infection (left) and several small stones (right). I was able to come home for a few days only to end up back at the hospital to stay for several days. It was a very painful experience.

It's been almost four weeks now and I'm still struggling to regain my strength. I require a nap pretty much every day. I'm weak and wear out very easily. My regular workouts have had to be shortened, as I have a hard time making it through without severe dizziness and palpitations. It's pretty defeating.

As a result, my Face2Face program got pushed back a few weeks and my final weigh in is tomorrow. I'm disappointed that I was not able to do the exercise the way we talked about in the program. I should have been doing 3-5 days of cardio and 3 days of weights each week. I did pretty well at first but once I got sick I was out for three weeks and than had a hard time getting back in gear. I'm planning on asking the trainer if she is willing to remeasure me in a month so I can continue to see my results on paper. I know it's more about how I feel, but seeing those numbers is motivating.

For now I'm working on building back up to where I was with exercise and adding more in. Tonight I attended two aqua fitness classes with a friend. The second one was Aqua Zumba. It was a blast! I find that I am unable to do regular Zumba because of my joints and also because I'm a flailing idiot with four left feet, so Aqua Zumba is just right. No pressure on my joints and more importantly no one can see how stupid I look!

Stay tuned for those awesome Face2Face results!

Healing Graces - by Templates para novo blogger