Mommy Gaming and Fitness: A Juggling Act

Thursday, October 25, 2012

I am super honored to be featured as a guest blogger this week on The Mommy Gamers! Go check it out and please leave a comment to show your support. I had a lot of fun writing a fitness/humor piece and hope to do more work like it again in the future. 

The Universe Knows...

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Universe knows me.

I've been getting these nifty little emails from The Universe. They're fun and usually pretty inspiring. Like a horoscope, you can twist the meaning in such a way that you think it was truly written just for you. I find that I am able to relate my notes for the Universe to my weight loss journey fairly often.

If you knew for absolute certain, Amybeth, that every little thing you did today would later be scrutinized, literally moment by moment, by a future you, and future friends, as well as anyone else interested, and you'd all be looking for a number of qualities, especially patience, kindness, and love, during this game of games and test of tests called life, how might you treat the very next person you see after reading this Note? 

    The Universe

 This one in particular really made me think. If I were looking back on myself from the future, I would be appalled by the way I treat...ME!

Think about it. I don't take care of body or love it the way it deserves. I feel it with nasty chemicals from awful processed foods. I allow my muscles to turn to mush. I talk negatively to myself and about myself to others. I refuse to buy myself nice clothes because I'm ashamed of my body.

That's not fair, at all. I deserve every ounce of respect that I show others. It's time to say no to disrespecting myself and begin being the friend that I deserve.

Do you treat yourself and your body unfairly?

Learning to Say No

Monday, October 15, 2012

Used with permission from Arthlete

One of the most difficult trials when losing weight is learning how to say "No." In the beginning it may feel like you are punishing yourself by taking away all the foods you love best. You may go through a phase of trying barter by finding healthier cookies and less fatty hamburgers. The truth is that by simply switching to a healthy version, you're still feeding the craving. Personally, I cannot do a small treat once in a while or a healthy alternative because I always want more.

I've found that for me, it's easier to say "No" if I just get it out of my system. I just need to go cold turkey, the first few days are the hardest, and it does the trick. After a week or two, sweet things start to taste sickening. I lose the need. If you had been in my house last night as I begged my husband to please go get me some ___, you would have known which stage I'm in. I had a very delicious cupcake with cream cheese frosting on Saturday at a birthday party. 

In trying to eat better, I've been trying new recipes and cooking at home more often. Last week we tried Zucchini, Black Bean and Rice SkilletPan Roasted Chicken with Lemon Garlic Green BeansRigatoni with Sauteed Eggplant and Tomatoes, and Weeknight Spinach, Mushroom, and Turkey Lasagna. I made a few changes here and there, less carbs or meat, switching for whole grain, things like that. All of the recipes were simple to make, filling, and scrumptious. Good recipes take so much of the work out of it!

I'm still losing, slowly...which is good enough for me. I feel like I can only focus on one thing at a time either nutrition or exercise. I know that in order to lose long term and keep it off I need to learn to do both, but right now I'm just taking baby steps and am still learning my way. One step at a time right?

Do you find that you have an easier time with exercise or with nutrition? 

The Truth You Don't Want to Admit to Yourself - A Guest Post

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Run like no one is watching. Photo by Bernd Moehle
This is a guestpost by Kim Thirion of Un-Copied Life.

"Oh, I don't workout in public— Someone might see me."

If I had a nickle for every time I used to say that...well, lets just say I'd be typing this from a villa balcony in some rustic Italian city right now instead of my comfy recliner listening to the sounds of MarioKart coming from the kids bedroom. Don't tell me you haven't thought those words at some time or another, because I probably wouldn't believe you if you did. Do you skip your walk because there are people around? Do you avoid the gym because other people might see you exercising? Are you embarrassed? Ashamed? I get it. I do. You don't want others to see how red your face gets. You don't want them to notice that you're huffing and puffing harder than the Big Bad Wolf. You'd honestly like to be invisible. And you know what? It's all a lie. It's a lie we tell ourselves because we don't want to face the real truth. What's that you ask? We don't want to exercise in public, because others might see us. And if they see us, then they'll see that we're overweight. Well guess what honey? They already know you're overweight. They noticed it the moment you walked up. It's hardwired into them.

People notice people who are different.

So, why would we continue to hurt our bodies (by remaining overweight) and our minds (by participating in negative self-talk) just to avoid something that everyone already noticed anyway? Because by pretending no one knows it, we can pretend it doesn't exist. We can pretend we're not different. It's a survival mechanism. Our brain knows that if we keep insulting ourselves, then we'll shut down. But not all systems are fool-proof. If we keep pretending, keep giving up, keep giving in, then we'll never get anywhere! If we keep telling ourselves that different=bad, we'll never make progress and we'll never succeed. We quit because there isn't an urgency. We quit because the reasons to continue aren't quite strong enough. We quit because we don't think we can finish. Let me ask you this... If someone held a gun to your head and ordered you to deliver a package a mile away, but only gave you 7 minutes... you bet your beautiful behind you'd run. You would run until you made it, or you passed out— but you'd do it. You'd do it because you'd have a reason to. You'd do it because the alternative is unacceptable. So today, I challenge you to find a reason. Find a reason right now. I want you to put that metaphorical "gunman" next to you and run like crazy. I'll leave you with a quote:
“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” —Mark Twain
Tell me what/who your "gunman" is in the comments below. Kim is the writer and creator behind Un-Copied Life where she writes twice weekly about non-conformity. You can also find her on Twitter and Google+.

I'm Worth It

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

There are days, ok many days, that I feel like giving up. I don't want to do this anymore, I just want to go back to bed. There are days where I don't feel like trying so hard. Maybe I can just workout sometimes and maybe a medium fry would make this hamburger ok. The unhealthy part of my brain tries to bargain. It tells me that because of ___ I deserve some ice cream, cake, pizza, soda etc. I tell myself that some soda is ok, but where is the line? Some soda now and some soda later adds up to be "OMG I'm drinking soda all the time!" I'm battling that part of my brain. I don't deserve ice cream, I deserve to feel good. I deserve to be healthy.

I bought myself some little notebooks to carry in my purse, just in case I need to write something down. They've been in there for two weeks and I didn't know why I needed them. I never need to write things down. But now I know. I need to write a letter to myself. Or a list. I need the support of friends and family to tell me that I'm better than fast food and that I deserve a healthy body, but more importantly I need my own support. I'm going to use my little notebook to write encouraging notes to myself, so when I'm struggling I always have my own support to read. 

I have to remember what I'm fighting for and what I've gained from this experience. I need to stop telling myself that I've only lost 15 lbs and rather that I've lost 15lbs!!

15 of these!

Because I'm awesome and I can do this!

Bump It Up

Monday, October 8, 2012

I'm still here and kicking!

It's been a long, crazy week since I last posted. The mom's group I loved shut down at the end of last week. As a result, I am now part of a great group of women that started a new group, MomMe. I'm super excited to be working on this. It's been a busy and stressful undertaking, but it's good stress! That said, I've struggled to find time to sit down at the computer and post here.

I am still focused on my health goals but just got a bit off track with the extra responsibility added on. I'm struggled heavily with my water intake. I'm back to not drinking enough, which scares me because of my kidney issues a few months back. I hate to admit, that Dr Pepper is starting to taste good again. I was still ordering soda out of habit and had a few too many, because now they don't taste like crap anymore. Time to go on strike and ask my friends to tell me NO if I have a weak moment.

I've been getting up with Robert each morning...5 am, say WHAT!? I've found that doing so gives me some alone time before Meghan wakes up and helps me to get to bed at an earlier time each night. I don't enjoy the getting out of bed part, but once I have a cup of coffee or another warm beverage in me, I'm fine. I want to start using my exercise bike in the morning as well. I'm confident that getting up earlier and starting my day with exercise will help my energy level throughout the day.

Here are my goals for the week:

More water
Stick to my weekly dinner menu
Schedule exercise

What are your goals? What areas do you feel you need to work hard on?

This week on Facebook...

Monday, October 1, 2012

This week on the Amybeth Loses Facebook page, we're sharing healthy recipes! I've been struggling with eating at home lately and asked my fans to submit their favorite healthy recipe. I'll be working on meal planning in the coming weeks and trying new things. I'll also be sharing my thoughts on what I cook at home.

Please stop by (don't forget to "like" the page to stay up to date!) and share your favorites! Your favorite might just become my favorite too!

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Uniquely You

It's Friend Makin' Monday again! What happened to the weekend? Wasn't yesterday Thursday? Sheesh!
If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 Uniquely You

1) Do you prefer to talk or text? I'm old school and love the connection of talking. Ideally, I prefer in person talking. I do have a difficult time expressing myself out loud though and find it easier to talk about my feelings through written (or typed) word.
2) How often do you make your bed? question!
3) What sounds do you hear right now? Laurie Berkner Band, my daughter, and the dryer.
4) List three things that you always carry with you. Cell phone, wallet, and keys. I've been made fun of for always, always having to have my cell phone with me, but it's important to me that I can be reached in an emergency. 
5) What are your favorite TV shows? Right now I'm enjoying Revolution, it's probably my favorite new show. New Girl, 2 Broke Girls, Big Bang Theory...I love sitcoms. White Collar, Boston Legal, Covert Affairs. A lot of these I don't get to see anymore though. Boo!
6) Is there a hobby that you’d like to devote more time to? If so, what is it? Crochet. I'd love to be able to express myself through other hobbies too. I just need the time to learn!
7) What is your favorite drink? Pepsi. Grr. Trying to kick that habit to the curb. Honestly, I've done pretty well with it.
8) Share a couple of cool facts about your family. My father was French, Finnish and Polish with an Italian last name. Until I got married, I was the only person (as far as the internet can tell) in the world with my name. Now my last name is fairly common and there's countless copies out there! 
9) List one thing that you will do for yourself today. Work out my meal planning and collect new healthy recipes.
10) Share something that you’re thankful for today. Lots of time with my daughther.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions!  Don’t forget to go and link up in the comments on All The Weigh's page.  And try to say something to someone new this week. There are some pretty cool people connected here.  Happy Monday, friends!


Thursday, September 27, 2012

Following a 12 lb loss last month, it's easy to be disappointed by a much smaller loss. I, however, am not going to get down about it, because any loss it awesome in my eyes!

Previous to this, I had been gaining steadily and consistently. Maybe 2 lbs a month? Which means that my two pounds loss for this month was actually 4! Haha. Seriously though, sometimes not gaining is enough to be cheerful about. I know some people get caught up in the numbers and would be upset if they weren't losing at least 2 lbs a week. I'm just happy to be losing.

I won't lie, I know I could have lost more. I lost two weeks of exercise due to illness and my eating hasn't been as good as it could be. Knowing that, I know where I can improve for this next month. If I keep pushing and working at it, maybe I'll see a larger loss next time, but for now I'm just going to be happy with what I've got. Besides, I'm still seeing progress in so many other areas. I know I'm doing what's right for my health!

By the way, I still haven't been measured. I was sick on my measuring day this week and will once again have to reschedule.

P.S That -2 makes me at -14 lbs thus far! I think that's pretty awesome for two months work, right??

Feeling Kind of Frumpy

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Confession time.

I haven't been to the gym in days. And I've been eating like crap. Not so much over eating, but just bad choices based on laziness and convenience. I'm getting better at saying no or making compromises, but I'm still human and I still make bad judgement calls. When I'm motivated, I do great. It's just having the discipline to stick with it

Committing doesn't mean, "When I feel like it." It's all the time. If I truly want to lead a healthy life and lose this weight, I have to be disciplined enough to just stick with it even when I don't feel like it.

There are going to be times, like this week, when I'm sick and my daughter's sick that I can't get to the gym. I have to learn to stop scrapping those days. Just because I can't work out doesn't mean all of my goals need  to go out the window while I'm down. There is no reason why I can't still get my water intake and still eat healthfully. Just because I want to stop and pick up a large #1 combo from Wendy's doesn't mean I should.

One thing I've noticed lately, is that body is beginning to talk back at me for my bad choices. When I eat something greasy or drink soda, it weighs heavily on my stomach and makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel sick from it. Yet, because my mind hasn't caught up, I continue to ignore these messages my body is sending and keep making these bad choices. When a Coke doesn't taste good or makes me sick, I try a Sprite instead. When pizza makes me feel awful, I try Chinese.

I guess the message here is that I need to start listening to my body and start ignoring the negative messages my mind keeps sending.

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Fall Favorites

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

I know it's not Monday, but yesterday was a crazy day here and I didn't get anything done. I did however, get my flu shot on Sunday and am feeling pretty cruddy. Oh and that cold I had not even two weeks ago? My daughter and I both have it now. Grr. Anyway, here is Friend Makin' Monday, on Tuesday!

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Fall Favorites

1. What is your favorite thing about this time of year?  I just love the smell of Fall and the feel of change in the air. It's invigorating! 
2. What do you hope to do again before Summer is officially over?  Hmm...maybe hit the splash park with my daughter one or two more times.
3. When did you last go on a hay ride?  Gosh, ten years? More? I don't even remember!
4. What is your favorite pumpkin dish? Cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. Yum, yum!
5. Do you decorate your home for fall?  I would like to, but I'm cheap and lazy! One of these years I'm going to go on a clearance shopping spree for each season/holiday so I have things to decorate with. My house is pretty plain and un-decorated. I guess I'm just waiting until we buy a house before I put my touches on something.
6. Do you have any hobbies that are seasonally specific? If so, what are they?  I do like to crochet more in the cooler months. I also like to spend more time outside and especially love to go hiking with my husband when the weather is nice.
7. Apple cider or hot chocolate?  White Hot Chocolate.
8. Are you a fan of football?  If so, who is your team?  Go Gators!
9. Share a fond Fall memory. Picking out pumpkins with my daughter last year. I'm really looking forward to doing it again this year with her.
10. It’s not Fall until…I make a big pot of chili!

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions.  Don’t forget to visit All the Weigh and link up in the comments!  Happy Monday!

Bragging Time: My husband

Friday, September 21, 2012

I just need to take a few moments to brag about my husband, Robert. We've been married for almost 10 years now. He may not be perfect, but he is the perfect husband for me. We've been through absolute hell on many occasions and have suffered through some of the worst things imaginable. But we've come out stronger than ever. We were married young and while I regret when we got married, I've never once regretted who I married. He is kind, funny, charming, incredibly smart, supportive, stable, strong, and just mine. You know how they say that one person in every couple loves the other more? We're still arguing about that one. I'm pretty sure it's me though...

April 2011
You can just see it, can't you?

April 2011

April 2011

I am so super proud of him. He's been working so on his own health and fitness journey. He has never been thin, but he is fighting to be healthy for us, for himself and for his family. As of today, over just a short amount of time, he is down almost 30 pounds! How awesome is that? I am so lucky to have a husband that is on board with my new healthy lifestyle. Not only is he supporting me, he's right there beside me doing it too. I am truly blessed to have him. 

I love you, Robert

Your Journey to a Healthy, Fit Life

Thursday, September 20, 2012

I want to talk to you today about starting a change or in my case beginning a journey to a healthy, fit life. How many times have you said the words "Maybe", "Tomorrow", "Next ___", "But", "Should" and "Want"? It's time to replace those with NOW, I can and I will. 

Starting a program or new lifestyle is frightening. Your biggest fear is likely failure. You've tried before and you gave up. Life and stress wore you down to the point of giving in. I know, because I've been there. You don't get to my size without feeling that failure and embarrassment. You don't want to go to the gym or wear a bathing suit because people will see you. You fear running into people you haven't seen in a long time because of what they may think. Stop it! Your worst critic is YOU. What's holding you back? Who is holding back? I would bet my entire savings account (don't get excited, there's not much in there!) that the answer is YOU

So let's get started.

Exercise is embarrassing at first. I won't lie. I sweat, I stink, my face turns BRIGHT red within seconds, I'm clumsy, and my balance sucks. Here's the thing though, all of that is true for everyone in the gym. I'm not the biggest, clumsiest, smelliest person in the gym but I couldn't tell you who is. You know why? Because I don't notice them. I'm too busy paying attention to myself and what I am doing. I will also bet my checking account (again don't get excited, this offer is only good today and I don't get paid until tomorrow) that the skinny, fit, beautiful chick over there isn't paying attention to me either. You know who she's paying attention to? Herself...and maybe that hot guy over there. Heeeeyyyyyy, check him out...Sorry, back to this. Um, where were we? Oh yeah, no one cares about what you look like. Everyone has done something dumb or embarrassing. People fart in yoga class, fall on their face, fall during step class, turn the wrong way in Zumba or can't seem to raise opposite arms and legs. It happens and no one cares but you, so stop caring. Got it?

Now take a second to read this, Hey Fat Girl!, and then come back to me. I'll wait.

Moving on. Let's talk about where you're going to start. Some people take up running on day 1 and others just start getting out of bed each day. Both of these are commendable and require the same amount of effort. I can't run. Heck, I can't jog. When I get on the treadmill, I'm going fast if I hit 3.0. Some days, yesterday for example, I don't go over 2.0. But it's all exercise. Actually, you don't even need to go to the gym. Work out in your own living room. Do laps around the house. Practice sitting and standing. Work with what you've got and do what feels good. Any movement you add into your life is a start. You'll get there. Just go at your own pace and eventually you will be able to run, if you want to. Me? I have no desire to run. It just doesn't appeal to me. I want to be able to run, but I don't see myself becoming a runner. Maybe that'll change, maybe not. But I don't ever have to run if I don't want to. There are so many ways you can exercise, don't judge your fitness based on one type.  

I try to exercise every single day. That doesn't mean that I'm biking 60 miles or running 20. I'm doing Aqua classes and Tai Chi with 80 year olds. Some of them are much more able than I am. But that's ok. When I am no longer getting something out of it I'll move on, but for right now those workouts are doing good for me. When I did Tai Chi last week, I was pouring sweat and I felt the workout. Things that shouldn't have caused my muscles to work hard had them burning. I'm not in shape by any means. The point is that you have to start somewhere. Run if you can but army crawl if you need to. It's ok. You're still lapping the people on the couch.

This is very, very true. Do something every day, even if you don't want to. It doesn't have to be big, just stretching or a short walk is worth it. There is no more starting over, no more fresh starts. You only have one life to live and there are no do overs. If you have a bad day, shrug it off and get back to work. Forget about failure, there's no such thing. Yes, there will be hurdles, but honey you can just jump over them. If you do trip over it, dust yourself off and keep going. 

There will be pain. You cannot avoid it, but you do need to learn the difference between good pain and bad pain. They will both hurt. Good pain comes from things you're not used to doing and your muscles getting stronger. If I haven't been in a while or if I increase my activity, my used muscles will be sore and achy for a couple days. While it hurts, I baby it but keep going. I stretch more and take lots of warm showers. Bad pain comes from over doing it or doing something at an intensity that you're not ready for. Exercise should never hurt while you do it. It's ok to feel a burning sensation, that's how you know it's working but if it's real pain, stop. Find your limits and respect them. Push yourself but don't injure yourself. No one can tell you what you are and are not capable of including yourself until you try. Don't force you to do something that you're not physically ready for. It's better to keep working out at a lower level than to injure yourself and be out completely.

We good here? Great! So get going. Don't wait for tomorrow, start right now. Even if all you do is stand up and walk around your house, it's a start. Get to it!

P.S My trainer was unable to measure me yesterday because of a time misunderstanding, so I will not be measured until next Wednesday.

I am Not a Lunch Lady...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

One of my biggest motivators is my daughter. Right now she's just two, but I want to be here to watch her children get married. I want to run around with her, jump rope, ride bikes, and any other active activity she gets interested in. I want to keep up.

I never want her to be ashamed of me because of my weight. I don't want kids at her school to tease her because of my size. 

This has already been one of my motivators for a long time. 

But then I watched Glee's season premier.

Screen Cap
Glee has this kind of backhanded way of offering acceptance. Let's have the most stereotypical gay people ever! Let's add in a girl with asperger's and make her say completely inappropriate things just because she's an aspy! Let's add a kid in a wheelchair but let's not actually choose a disabled actor, it'll be more fun if we can make him miraculously dance sometimes! It's like they think that if they include these people in the show, it means they're accepting, even if in reality they're actually making fun of them.

This past episode, included a new girl who's mother is the school lunch lady. And of course, because that's the way Glee rolls; she's overweight, plain, and poor. Mom parks a few blocks away so no one will see her teenage daughter getting in the car with her. They've changed schools because kids at the previous school alienated the daughter because of mom's weight. Our usually "accepting" New Directions members are riding a popularity high from winning Nationals (last season) take part in making extremely cruel jokes. 

It was a rough episode for me. It was too easy to place myself in the role of the lunch lady mom. One of my biggest fears. While I don't always agreed with Glee's method of introducing tolerance, I am glad I saw this tear jerking episode. I love how the daughter was so excepting and loving towards her mother. Maybe I should print out the above screen shot as a personal reminder of my goals.

Friend Making Mondays: Blog Stuff

Monday, September 17, 2012

Great questions today from Kenlie  about blogging! Read on and please participate! 
If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 Blog Stuff

1.  Have you ever met anyone through your blog that led to an in-person friendship/relationship? No, but I would love to!
2.  Most bloggers have a specific niche.  What would you discuss if it didn’t seem inappropriate on your blog? I'd love to just talk about every day stuff like what I did today or what's on my mind. I just feel boring when I do!
3. If you could meet three bloggers, who would they be? Oh gosh, I so wish I could go to Fitbloggin' 12 and meet some of my favorites. I'd love to meet Gretchen, Emily, and Emily. They're all amazing women and I feel so motivated reading their blogs. Their bad days and confessions make me nod in agreement. I laugh along with them and cheer them on. They rock!
4. If you had to choose between Facebook or Twitter which one would you choose?  I hate being limited to how much I can type or what I can post. I feel it's easier to respond and have a conversation on Facebook. 
5. Do you vlog (video blog?) I've been told that I should, but I hate the sound of my own voice and the way I look. Maybe one day, just not yet. I need to work out these self esteem issues first.
6. How many blogs do you read on an average day? It just depends on how much the people I like to read post. I devote about 30 mins or so each day to reading other blogs, more if everyone is active. I try to comment often because to me knowing someone out there is reading is so important and motivating. The blogosphere is lonely when it's quiet!
7.  What is the coolest thing that you’ve seen online recently? I just love this picture of a library with trees growing through it that I found via Stumble Upon. I want it blown up and framed so badly. 
8. If you gave your blog a new name what would it be? Hmm...I'm Losing It? So predictable though but since I feel like I'm losing my mind some days as well, it's fitting!
9. Have you ever attended a blog conference like Fitbloggin?  If not, would you? No, but I would love to! Maybe next year.
10. In the past I have asked why you blog.  Now I want to know why you read blogs?  What do you take from it?  I find them inspiring. It feels good to know that I'm not alone in this journey and I'm not the only one that feels the way I do. Plus, if they can do it, so can I! 

Sick, Sick, SICK!

Saturday, September 15, 2012

I think my body has been trying to tell me something. I'm overdoing it. Not necessarily working out, but just overdoing it in general. I'm having a difficult time physically trying to do everything.  Trying to care for a household, a toddler, keep up relationships, go to the gym constantly, cook dinner, and so's a lot. I'm trying to do it all.

Where can I slow down? Really, I don't think I can drop anything. Sure, the house doesn't need to spotless and dinner doesn't have to be anything that takes a lot of work. But just keeping up with the basics is still a lot of work. I can't stop going out because I need me time, I need time to de-stress. Obviously, I can't stop caring for my daughter and part of that includes taking her places.

Honestly, I'm just hoping that my body will adjust. I'm saying no when I need to but going places when I feel I can. Which since I woke up Thursday morning, meant saying no. I was tired and received some stressful news. Then Friday, I woke up sick. Today I've just felt like death warmed over. I know it's OK to work out with a head cold, but when you barely feel like standing's just not happening.

I've just spent today reading, playing video games (GW2 YEAH!) and sleeping. Right now my husband is out buying me some cold medicine and some ice cream. Real ice cream. By golly, I am not going to feel guilty. I'm just going to enjoy my couch and ice cream. When I feel better, I'll be back at the gym kicking butt again. I just need a couple days to recoup.

Non Scale Victories

Sunday, September 9, 2012

When you're focused on weight loss, as I am now, it's easy to get caught up in the numbers that appear each day on the scale. It can be discouraging and in the past has made me give up. That is why I decided to only weigh and measure myself once a month, rather than EVERY SINGLE DAY. Ok, three times a day. For real. After a while, the scale becomes this unhealthy focus and you give up without ever taking the time to notice all the positive changes in your body.

It's been about three weeks now since I started focusing on my exercise (striking what I was doing before my kidney episode) and ignoring the scale has forced me to pay attention to the other changes in my body. And let me tell you, I am so amazing, impressed, and PROUD of what my body is doing!

Robert noticed that my favorite jeans are becoming loose around my thighs, waist, and hips.

My hips bones stick out more and my abdomen beneath my belly button is flatter. 

I still have pain that requires medication after most hard work outs. But the pain during the work outs has gotten a lot better. I'm no longer watching the clock in pain.

My endurance has improved greatly. When I returned to the gym after my kidney infection, I was struggling just to finish 15 minutes on the bike. By the time I was done I was covered in sweat, out of breath, and my heart rate was all over the place. Today, I completed 60 minutes and 11 miles on the bike doing intervals. I have never been on a stationary bike that long in my life! Aside from a numb butt and feet, it wasn't too bad. After about five minutes my legs had loosened back up and I wasn't completely worn out from it.

My strength training weights have increased significantly. Some of them have gone up as much as 70 lbs. I love being behind someone and seeing that I'm able to lift heavier weights than most. 

My energy level has increased greatly. I might be tired a lot still, but I'm able to get things done. Because of this, I've been able to enjoy fun days out with my family and still work out later in the day. 

You better believe these changes are very motivating! I'm excited for my next round of measurements and hope you are too!

Just Do It!

Thursday, September 6, 2012


I'm struggling with motivation today.

My daughter, Meghan, had a stomach bug on Monday night through Tuesday. I was super bummed to miss out on my aqua classes. I spent most of that day trying to squeeze in naps, prepare dinner, and care for my sick little one. Wednesday came and I didn't want to take her anywhere just in case, so I spent the day super cleaning the house. Which is great exercise!

Here we are on Thursday and I'm feeling so sluggish. I know it's because I haven't been to the gym. I ate a can of Chef Boyardee (hurricane food) for lunch out of convenience. Bad idea! I felt gross as soon as I finished it. I'm counting down for the weekend, payday, and grocery shopping to get some good, healthy food back in the house. I sat down to write out a grocery list and make a meal plan, but felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't even get started.

I don't want to go to the gym tonight. Really it's just that I don't want to go through the pains of getting everyone ready to go. But I will go and it will be worth it. I know this. I think after posting this, I'll hop on the bike and boost my energy a little that way.

In other news, I added a Progress and Pictures page. You can find it on the top right under "Pages". I'll be updating that page each month as I weigh in and such.

I have to admit, it was really hard to post pictures up there. Yuck. I really hate the way I look right now and am totally embarrassed by my body. That's why I'm doing this, right?

All I want...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012


I've written a lot about what I'm doing to accomplish my goals here, but not very much about what my goals are and why I want to lose weight.

  • Lose 100+ lbs (I'll reveal the actual number as I feel more confident and comfortable here)
  • Reach my goal weight of 150 lbs
  • Shop Regular Size Clothing
  • Gain Strength
  • Gain Energy
  • Increase My Life Span
  • Be Healthier
  • I don't want to feel tired all the time
  • I want to be able to play with my daughter the way she wants me to
  • I don't want other kids to tease her from having a fat mom
  • I want to live long enough to watch my grandchildren get married and become a great-grandmother. 
  • I don't want to hurt the way I do now.
  • I don't want to become sicker
  • I don't want to leave a fitting room in tears because nothing fits
  • I want to feel proud of my body
  • I don't want my pain and fatigue to rule my life anymore
  • I want to walk away from the doctor's office without having received a long lecture
  • I want to feel like I fit in 
  • I want to accomplish something amazing
I will accomplish these goals and more. I'm beyond excited to watch my body change. Already I'm beginning to notice a difference, especially in my lower abdomen. It's also been a little easier to get things done around the house. My energy level has been a bit higher, thank goodness!

Happy September!

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Happy September! It's a new month full of endless opportunities to make improvements to your mind, body and life. Now is a great time to form new habits and make them stick. There are only 114 days left until Christmas. Who wouldn't love to show up for the holidays feeling great about themselves and looking fantastic? I know I would! 

Choose a few simple habits to work on and stick to them. I'll be choosing three to work on this month. Because three is just a special number when it comes to goals, right?

  1. Drink one gallon of water each day. 
  2. Do some form of exercise 6 days a week.
  3. Cut back on screen time.
Stay tuned, next weight/measurement is scheduled to September 19th! 

What goals will you be working on this month?

Follow Me!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Follow me on my brand new Pinterest and Twitter accounts...because I'm AWESOME!

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Friday, August 31, 2012


Following my million and one squats on Wednesday, my upper legs and rear have been in killer pain. Standing up and walking around hurts, but nothing hurts worse than the act of sitting back down. Supporting my body as I lower myself down is just torture. My legs feel like a constant Charley Horse times a billion. 

Thursday is one of my Aqua class nights. Strength & Balance followed by Zumba. A total of two hours of exercise in the pool. So here I was already hurting. Then my gym buddy's son got sick and she had to cancel. I was running behind on everything all day long. I just didn't want to go. Robert said we could stay home or go late or skip the actual classes. But I was determined to go, despite all the excuses pulsing through my head. Then trying to get into the stupid car I was on the edge of tears because of the pain in my legs and rear. He's calling from inside the car "Are you sure you want to do this?" 

My answer was a firm, "YES!" 

On the way there Robert asked me when was the last time I even took a day off from the gym. "Sunday, not that long ago." He shot me this look. 

See, normally, I'd be shocked if I went two days in a row. Sometimes I don't go for months at a time. Even when I'm on what I considered a roll, I still only make it a couple times a week and then that roll only lasts a couple weeks. 

Now, when we arrive at the Kid's Club (at either of the locations I go to) they greet Meghan by name. She used to cry the whole time she was there and I was never able to leave her more than 30 minutes. Last night, after two hours, she didn't want to leave! 

At the Women's center, the girls at the front desk, the girls that work the line, people on the sales team and even some of the people there working out all greet me by name. At the main center, the class instructors know my name. I ran into one of the instructors somewhere else and she recognized me.

I can't tell you how good that feels. People at the gym are noticing my effort and that is so encouraging. 

Already the classes are becoming a little easier. I'm seeing changes in my body and mentality each day. No one is more excited or proud than I am.

I hurt like crap right now but I'm not going to let it stop me. Because no matter when I start, it's going to hurt for a while. Why quit now and have to go through this beginning pain all over again later? I hated those squats, but as soon as I'm able to bend my legs without screaming I'll be doing it again. I never want to feel this level of pain again. I want my body to adapt and learn to handle it. I'm not going to let pain hold me back anymore. Being overweight causes me pain. Heck, everything causes me pain. Why not have it be something good that's causing that pain for once?

I am fully dedicated to myself this time for good. I'm not going to give up on me.

Holy Crap! I've got the SQUATS!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Post Workout - O M G I'm gonna die or puke or die or something.
What is that stuff on my face? Oh, that's sweat. Ok, well cool. I want to lay down now or maybe puke. Anyone have some water?

So today was my much dreaded anticipated Personal Torture Training Session. I got this for free because I'm awesome and completed my Face2Face program...even if it did take me three weeks longer. Dumb kidneys. A friend of mine did her training session a few weeks ago and after hearing her recounting of it I was pretty terrified excited!

My trainer, Amanda, was this fit blonde girl who thank god was not overly perky or rah rah let's DO THIS thing. I would have tae boed her in the face. Luckily, we seemed to mesh well and she listened to my concerns and took my limitations into account.

After some warm up exercises that just felt like exercise to me...we started the real stuff. She had me doing a circuit type workout with weights, squats, a series of silly walks, rowing, and stepping.

This all felt suspiciously like a beginners version of Cross Fit.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't quite that hard...I mean THAT would kill me for sure. However, they hand this chick a freaking bucket at the beginning! A bucket. You know, to puke in. Because by golly you're probably going to puke.

I did the routine without complaint. Squat. Step. Row. Squat. Step. Row. Squat. Step. OMG. Row. Squat. Squat. Freaking Squat. My face hurt. My heart was pounding. I'm pouring sweat from places I didn't know I could sweat from. Then I started getting this feeling like maybe I need the bucket. At first it was just a fear but then my body was telling me I needed to either STOP, puke or faint. Luckily, by the time my body decided it was about to choose for itself...we were done and it was time to stretch it out.

Afterward, I took a ten minute cold shower and chugged some water. I tried to get in the hot tub but it was too hot and made me want to puke even more. In fact, it was about 40 minutes before I didn't feel like puking anymore. And then I was HUNGRY! I had a sub with turkey, avocado, cucumbers, sprouts, and a bunch of other yummy veggies.

And now, I'm going to crawl upstairs to grab a quick nap before book club tonight. My legs are already screaming at me for doing so many squats.

But I DID IT! I survived! Woohoo!!!

Weigh In Woes

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I think I may be leading a bad example for my toddler! 

Shut Down the Comparisons

Monday, August 27, 2012

Source: ARThlete
Ever feel like this? I know I do.

I've spent the last couple of days looking for weight loss bloggers with similar goals to my own. Some of them have just started their journey (like me), some are half way there, and some have already reached their goals. I find it hard not to compare myself to these other women. Especially when they are more fit than I am currently.

I can't run, jog, jump, do planks, I can barely do a squat...I allow all of the can'ts to pile up in my brain and I just want to quit. How can I lose this weight if I can't even do a plank? Not even ONE plank. I can't lift my body from the floor. It's so daunting, I just want to give up before I've even started.

But you know what?

I can walk. I can swim. I can bike. I can lift. Everyone starts somewhere. I will not let me inabilities distract me from my abilities.

One step at a time. One ounce at a time. I CAN do this.

Working Out with Fibromyalia

Friday, August 24, 2012

My friend, SS, is not the only one working out with me at the gym each day. I've got my long time friend Fibromyalgia along for the ride too and her companion pain medication.

I've always had psychological issues with taking my prescribed pain medication. My father was a long time drug (prescribed and illegal) abuser. He would lie and exaggerate pain for more drugs, constantly pushing the limits on how much he could take. Because of this, I've always had strict limits on my own drug and alcohol usage. I live in constant fear of having a substance abuse problem as he did. As a result, I often ignore or fight through my pain making it difficult to live up to my potential. I'd work hard in the gym one day and when my body screamed that night I would skip the next week out of fear of making it worse. This constant battle of pain from doing what my body needs and not wanting to take my prescribed medications as held me back immensely. I also convinced myself that being on a medication that other people abuse makes me a bad parent. See? All these rules. I can't take meds if I'm home alone with Meghan. I can't take meds if Robert takes something (even cold meds). It's good to be paranoid, but sometimes I go a little too far with it.

I guess it finally clicked in my brain that I needed to start accepting the help prescribed to me if it meant doing what I need to do. So now if I go to two aqua classes back to back and come home walking funny in pain, I'll take a pain pill. I still feel guilty, but I just need to work through it. I realize that with time the workouts will become less painful as I become stronger. Each workout puts me closer to my goal of being healthy and without so much pain. I know that loosing weight and gaining muscle will lower the amount of pain I deal with from day to day.

Sure, pain can be a warning sign. I know I need to not over do it. I'm listening to my body. For example, when I awoke in pain today, I decided to do cardio instead of an intense weight lifting class. Tonight I will go swimming for therapeutic proposes and loosen this tight muscles. Tomorrow I'll be attending a stretch class and if I will well enough after I'll do some weight lifting afterward. It's important that when I feel pain I shouldn't stop. I just need to modify and keep going. Any exercise is better than no exercise. Each and every day I will continue to exercise regardless of how I feel.

I will tell you that having a good friend along side me helps! It keeps me accountable and makes the time go by a little faster. Now it's not just going to the gym, it's visiting and socializing. Let's just hope she doesn't get tired of my awesomeness!


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Yesterday was my final weigh in for the Face2Face program. While I wish I could have done the full amount of exercise they suggested (Kidneys Suck), I am still happy to see the results that I have.

Weight: -12 pounds
Waist: -7.5 inches
Hips: -11 inches
Right Thigh: -1.5 inches
Left Thigh: -1 inch
Right Arm: -1.5 inches
Left Arm: -2.5 inches
Total Inches Lost: 25

TWENTY FIVE INCHES! I'm totally proud of that! Pretty good for having a major illness in the middle of it and being unable to exercise. I'm excited now to do this. Results are very motivating!

As a prize for being compliant (or in my case trying to be compliant!) I get one free personal training session next week. I'm a little nervous about that appointment, but I'm going to do it anyway. My trainer has agreed to keep measuring me every four weeks to help me chart my progress.

I cannot wait to share more progress with you guys! Big changes are coming, stay tuned!

Kidneys Suck

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Just a few short hours after my last post, I woke up in severe pain and was rushed to the hospital. I was diagnosed with a severe kidney infection (left) and several small stones (right). I was able to come home for a few days only to end up back at the hospital to stay for several days. It was a very painful experience.

It's been almost four weeks now and I'm still struggling to regain my strength. I require a nap pretty much every day. I'm weak and wear out very easily. My regular workouts have had to be shortened, as I have a hard time making it through without severe dizziness and palpitations. It's pretty defeating.

As a result, my Face2Face program got pushed back a few weeks and my final weigh in is tomorrow. I'm disappointed that I was not able to do the exercise the way we talked about in the program. I should have been doing 3-5 days of cardio and 3 days of weights each week. I did pretty well at first but once I got sick I was out for three weeks and than had a hard time getting back in gear. I'm planning on asking the trainer if she is willing to remeasure me in a month so I can continue to see my results on paper. I know it's more about how I feel, but seeing those numbers is motivating.

For now I'm working on building back up to where I was with exercise and adding more in. Tonight I attended two aqua fitness classes with a friend. The second one was Aqua Zumba. It was a blast! I find that I am unable to do regular Zumba because of my joints and also because I'm a flailing idiot with four left feet, so Aqua Zumba is just right. No pressure on my joints and more importantly no one can see how stupid I look!

Stay tuned for those awesome Face2Face results!

Now Hiring!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I had another kick butt day at the gym, this time doing intervals on the treadmill and AMT machine. Next week I will be having my nutrition appointment where I'll be bringing a log of everything I eat and drink over a three day period. One week from that I'll have my last appointment with my final  weight and measurements. I'm excited to see the changes in my body! Already, I'm feeling more energetic and a little stronger.

One area I am lacking in is a good support team. I need friends (near or far) I can count on over this long journey to help push and motivate me. I need YOU to hold me accountable.

Are you interested in joining my support team? Email me to find out how you can help!


Tuesday, July 17, 2012

“We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

I failed. I gave up. I wimped out.

Tonight, I walked out of a class.

As part of the Face 2 Face program at the gym, it was recommended that I integrate classes into my fitness routine. Last week at my weight training meeting, I received a suggestion for a class from one of the trainers. If I completed the class, my name would be entered to win a "prize". I don't know what the so called prize would've been and maybe that's a good thing.

I've been having a hard time emotionally and have had to push myself extra hard each day. It was hard to find the motivation to try a new class. I was determined to push through it even though I just wanted the comfort of my bed.

I got to the gym a few minutes early and had to stand outside the group fitness room with several other women. This negative self talk was running high. "Those women are younger than me. They're thinner and fitter than me."

I entered with the others and followed their lead, choosing equipment and finding a place to set my stuff. When the instructor started handing out jump ropes I panicked. Then she started saying that all the tall people needed to move to spots that weren't under ceiling fans because of all the jumping jacks and jump roping we were going to be doing.

I picked up my water bottle and walked out the door.

I gave up without even trying.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, my defeat started weighing heavily on me and pulling towards the exit that would take me back to home. I took a deep breath, turned away from the door and continued on to the weight line. I took my frustrations on the weights, pushing to 20 reps on most every machine. I got on the bike and then the treadmill. Finally, when I started shaking and those thoughts started bubbling over, I went to the steam room.

I sat alone, in the steam room for a good 15 minutes. I was unprepared and didn't have my bathing suit, so I sat there in my gym clothes until they were soaked. After a few minutes, I couldn't tell what was wetness from the humidity in the room and what was sweat...or tears.

I beat myself up for not trying. I asked myself why I was doing this at all. Why bother? I told myself I'd never succeed, that if I couldn't keep up then it wasn't worth fighting for.

And then I stopped. Who says I need to be able to jump rope to lose weight? Or ever? So what if I never jump rope again in my life? I didn't like jumping rope when I was a kid, I don't have to do it now either. Maybe all the jumping around won't hurt later on when I'm fit and healthy, but who says I have to do it?

Would I have been better off having pushed myself through that class and suffered the consequences later? Would I have been proud of myself tomorrow when I would have had to cancel the rest of my week so I could stay in bed with my pain pills? I don't think so.

Yes, I walked out on class that wasn't right for me. But I made the right decision for me and my body. I can lose weight without injuring myself in the process.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.”
 Nancy Lopez

Chugging Along

Monday, July 16, 2012

Despite eating out a couple times last week, I'm feeling pretty good about my progress. I've been going to the gym regularly and trying out new things. I even tried Aqua Zumba which was a lot of fun! It was easier to keep up with than I thought it would be. I was actually disappointed when the time was up because I wanted to keep going!

I'm finding that the steam room and sauna does wonders for my sore muscles. I enjoy being able to relax after a workout. It feels good to have that "me" time.

My weight is currently still fluctuating, but I'm just focusing on doing what's good for my body rather than fretting about the numbers. In fact, I don't think I'll weigh myself again until after the last Face 2 Face meeting when they do my measurements. I think I will be disappointed if I don't see any results at that appointment, but I'm just going to keep chugging along regardless. Even if I'm not losing, I'm still gaining strength and I know that eventually the numbers will follow as well.

I love how good healthy foods make me feel. Last week I ate something unhealthy, I don't even remember what it was...maybe pizza, and I had the worst time trying to sleep because of reflux. I don't have to deal with that kind of stuff when I eat healthy. I don't miss the junk. I miss drinking something other than water sometimes, but it's not earth shattering.

The thing I like the best about all of this is the change I've seen already in energy. It's so much easier to do simple things like household chores with that extra bit of energy!

I'm excited to watch my body change! These are exciting times my friends!

Four Pounds

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Today was my 2nd Face 2 Face appointment at the gym. Last week I was just weighed and measured, which was NOT fun. Especially when I had to argue with the girl about whether the bathroom scale they were using went high enough for me. Completely embarrassing.

This time we did the weight machines. I already have a card and know how to use the machines, so I didn't really learn anything. That's ok though because I'm really just using this program to create a good routine and be held accountable while I get into my groove.

After, I did just a few minutes of cardio because of time constraints and then I tried out the spa area. I've used the hot tub there before but never the sauna or steam room. After five minutes in area, I felt AMAZING! Now I've kind of wondering, "Why didn't I do that before!?"

I've been home for about 30 minutes and am still feeling the high that comes after a good workout. These are the type of thoughts I need to remind myself when I don't feel like working out. Regardless of needing to lose weight, I need to do this for myself. I need to do more things that feel good to me.

So far, I'm down the 7 lbs, but I keep fluctuating up four pounds and then back down again. I know this is normal. It usually frustrates me and I end up giving up, but this time I'm accepting it for what it is...normal.

Next week is my cardio appointment. I'm not sure what to expect from that since I already know how to use the machines. We'll see!

Journey to a Healthy Me - Day 1

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

We're going to call today "Day 1" even though I've been working on this a little longer than that. But the point being that today is my first official day blogging about it! So here goes!

A few weeks ago I acquired a recumbent bike from a lady on Freecycle. Lucky find! I've been doing 30 minutes a day at increasing speed and resistance.

I went to visit my therapist today in her new office. It's only a couple blocks from my gym so I figured this is a good opportunity to get in there. My therapist is going to tire of seeing me in my gym clothes! While there I signed up for a 5 week program they're offering called Face 2 Face. Basically they just teach you about getting the most out of the gym, give you nutritional advice and so on. They weigh and measure you at the first weekly appointment and then again at the last appointment to measure your success. During that time, you work out on your own (there) doing cardio and weight training so many times a week. This was a big step for me since I will be forced to reveal my weight to a stranger. Frankly, it just sounds humiliating. But I need to get over that embarrassment and just get on with it already!

Nutritionally we've stopped eating out, bringing junk food into the house,  and boredom eating. Since getting onto a decent medication regimen I've been able to cease emotional eating and binge eating. We also switched from dairy milk to almond milk. We eat less carbs at dinner time, choosing a salad or extra veggie instead. When we do eat carbs with dinner it's usually brown rice or whole wheat pasta. Oh and I found that I love garbanzo beans! We do still eat meat but only boneless, skinless chicken breast, fish, or eggs.

So that's pretty much what we have been doing. I'm currently 7 lbs down, which is a start!

Anyone have any questions or anything they'd like to see from my weight loss posts?

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